谁能帮我判判作文?我下个月8号就要考雅思了.剑桥四 第一篇作文我写的：According to the table,there were different categories of families living in poverty in Austualia in1999.To sun up,there were 11%of the all husband livin

谁能帮我判判作文?我下个月8号就要考雅思了.剑桥四 第一篇作文我写的：According to the table,there were different categories of families living in poverty in Austualia in1999.To sun up,there were 11%of the all husband livin
谁能帮我判判作文?我下个月8号就要考雅思了.
剑桥四 第一篇作文
我写的：According to the table,there were different categories of families living in poverty in Austualia in1999.
To sun up,there were 11%of the all husband living in the position deeply.It is about 1837000.It is noticeable that those consisting of only are parent or a single adult were more lakely to fall in trouble,with 21% and 19%.A common family and a family with no child was account for only 13% and 7%,which shands in marked contrast to then.
It is chear from the chart the relationship between sigle and couple appear proportion.Single adults were 2 times than couples without children(7%).
However,it didn't affect elder people too much.When they were not young,they were not to be poor.Single with 6%,and couple with 4%.
In conclusion,children trend family a lot in the table until they were old.
图表作文，不同的人生活在贫困的比率。

谁能帮我判判作文?我下个月8号就要考雅思了.剑桥四 第一篇作文我写的：According to the table,there were different categories of families living in poverty in Austualia in1999.To sun up,there were 11%of the all husband livin
最基本的,词数不满150.
有单词拼写错误,这是不能犯得错误吖.例如第二段开头应该是“to sum up”.
to sum up应该用在最后.
时态应用现在时.
they were not to be poor是病句,应把to be去掉.
其它的.尽量找突出的数据例如最值点来陈述.还有,多用长难句.
因为不知道题目,所以不能评价太多.这文章...应该只有4.5.

第一句跟第二句可以用逗号连接。因为第二句太短了。没必要单独。并成一句比较好。然后每句间多用些连接词。雅思的考官非常喜欢看到连接词。用些比较有深度的。firstly。lastly这种就不要用了。用了反而印象不好。
=。= 我也就稍微看看。。具体的。。你还是找老师改吧。。。比较我现在写论文跟你们雅思的不一样。太久考的雅思。忘记老师具体怎么要求了。只记得基本的。...

全部展开

第一句跟第二句可以用逗号连接。因为第二句太短了。没必要单独。并成一句比较好。然后每句间多用些连接词。雅思的考官非常喜欢看到连接词。用些比较有深度的。firstly。lastly这种就不要用了。用了反而印象不好。
=。= 我也就稍微看看。。具体的。。你还是找老师改吧。。。比较我现在写论文跟你们雅思的不一样。太久考的雅思。忘记老师具体怎么要求了。只记得基本的。

收起

写的不错，问题是你要写的中心是什么